Literally posting in real time

I'm in my legal research class, and our guest lecturer today is discussing electronic research tools. He just said, in commenting on how the old AltaVista search engine lost a lot of great features when AltaVista merged with Yahoo!, "Literally there were functions you could no longer use."

We're also talking/reading about blogs as research tools. Check out Findory, which, in addition to creating a personalized newspaper for you (including blogs, if you prefer), generates blog and news source "neighborhoods:" here's the Boing Boing blog neighborhood.

How to literally split an infinitive

I knew the day would come when the two language practices that irk me most would converge. But I thought it would be in something by bell hooks, not in the SF Chronicle:

"Giants hope to literally get it together"

Blowing the curve

A couple moments from the classroom:

In Torts the other day, we were given a hypothetical: "Jose Canseco has extraordinarily quick reflexes. He is driving down the highway in his candy red Jaguar when he sees a hitchhiker lying unconscious from heatstroke on the road. While an average person probably could not stop in time to avoid hitting the hitchhiker, Canseco's short reaction time makes it likely that he could. Unfortunately, however, Canseco does not brake soon enough and hits the hitchhiker, Herbie Homeless. Homeless sues Canseco for his injuries, arguing that the jury should be able to consider Canseco's unusually fast reflexes in deciding whether he was negligent."

In his response to a follow-up question regarding different treatment for drivers with impairments (such as epilepsy), a student said, "There are literally rules at the DMV that you have to be under a doctor's care and check in every so often." I'm paraphrasing that last part.

Today in International Human Rights, during a debate about whether the US should ratify the ICESCR, a student said, "You literally can't create a society that recognizes the right to work and [other economic rights] without imposing some kind of structure." Paraphrasing again.

Just an average day

Walking through the halls of academia this morning at about 11:15 a.m., having already heard two people unecessarily say "literally," I realized there are so many moments that don't make it to the blog. They're so often unentertaining and less than blog-worthy, I thought. But the numerosity alone is becoming more and more amusing to me. Here are a few of today's eight [mis]usages (so far):

"It will literally take me all night to get it done." (Overheard in the hallway between classes, probably a reference to a homework assignment.)

"I literally ... set down my laptop." (Overheard just before class began. Don't know the context, but don't really need to.)

And 2 of the 4 times my beloved friend Christina misused "literally" on the phone with me this evening:

"I was literally out of my body watching myself." Yeah?

"She literally walked in the other direction..." Impossible!

Christina has long known of my little pet peeve and finds it amusing. She said today that she had been thinking to herself, "Do I ever use that word incorrectly?" Ponder no more, Christina, thy mystery is solved. It happens to all of us. And thanks for the Joan of Arc magnet, it is literally on my fridge. No joke. Seriously. I don't think you understand -- it really is on the refrigerator.

Also, someone said "transliteral" in class today.

Literally flapping his gums

First of all, Shimmy deserves a full-on post-embedded link today. What a special, special cat.

Secondly, I spoke to my father last night. He'd had gum surgery the day before. They grafted new gums onto the roof of his mouth to cover the exposed roots of some of his teeth. From what I gather, the dentist screwed up the suturing, and by the time my dad got home, he was bleeding profusely -- I mean really a lot. Eventually he went back in and got it fixed, with some excuses and half-apologies from the dentist thrown in as an unsatisfactory bonus. By the time I spoke to him yesterday, he sounded normal.

Those of you who have met my father will understand why, when I told Michael that my dad had been hemorrhaging from the mouth, I was compelled to qualify it by adding "literally."

The winter of our dis-content.

From Winter v. DC Comics:

"When artistic expression takes the form of a literal depiction or imitation of a celebrity for commercial gain, directly trespassing on the right of publicity without adding significant expression beyond that trespass, the state law interest in protecting the fruits of artistic labor
outweighs the expressive interests of the imitative artist.”

"Although the fictional characters Johnny and Edgar Autumn are less-than-subtle evocations of Johnny and Edgar Winter, the books do not depict plaintiffs literally. Instead, plaintiffs are merely part of the raw materials from which the comic books were synthesized. To the extent the drawings of the Autumn brothers resemble plaintiffs at all, they are distorted for purposes of lampoon, parody, or caricature. And the Autumn brothers are but cartoon characters—half-human and halfworm— in a larger story, which is itself quite expressive."

Check out related images here.

Turkey and fish: not for the thin-skinned

Parties with students and lots of booze are hotbeds for use of the word "literally." I heard it at least 5 times last night, but I only really recall one example.

A friend was describing how someone she knows with psoriasis went to a treatment spa in Turkey where fish eat the affected skin. She said, "You literally sit there in the tub," and the fish eat your psoriasis flakes.

This is really gross to me, though I guess it shouldn't be. It really gets to me, though. Anyway, here's some corroborating info. Enjoy.

Alito pesante

As reported in today's SF Chronicle:

"Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., pressed the issue of presidential power, citing Alito's statement in his 1985 Justice Department job application that 'I believe very strongly in the supremacy of the elected branches of government,' which appeared to elevate the president and Congress above the courts.

"'That's a very inapt phrase,' Alito conceded. 'I certainly didn't mean that literally at the time and I wouldn't say so today. The branches of government are equal,' although the president and Congress are primarily responsible for making national policy, he said. "

***

Maybe he meant "branches" figuratively. Or maybe he meant "I believe very strongly" in the metaphorical sense.

"Supremacy" derives from the Latin "super," meaning "over." Or "supremus," the superlative of "superus," meaning "upper." Same root as that of "superior." I'm still looking for other, less literal, uses of "supremacy," but I'm not finding any. At. All.

When he says no one is "above" the law, is he speaking literally?

I'd like to take this opportunity to point out self righteously that if everyone were as persnickety about such things as I (and if Democrats had spines), Alito would not have gotten away with this ridiculous cop out. This is an example of the importance of insisting on precision in language, especially from those in power and who define the parameters of national and cultural rhetoric. Why did no one follow up by saying, "Judge Alito, what do you mean you did not mean it literally? To which phrase do you refer, and what was the non-literal sense in which you meant it? Did you inform your prospective employer at the time that you did not mean those words literally? Are there other things you are telling us today that you do not mean literally?"

Alito clearly drafted the statement on his job application to convey that he thought the elected branches were/should be more powerful than the courts. If he didn't really mean it, he lied to the Justice Department. He basically told the world today that he was either lying then or is lying now. He admitted he's a liar. But because as a society we don't care what words mean (among other things), he gets away with it.

I guess when Alito ruled that women should inform their husbands before obtaining abortions he meant "inform" in the figurative sense of the word.

For a further example of Alito's trouble with literal meaning, check out his dissent in Doe v. Groody, in which he condoned the strip search of a 10 year old girl without an authorizing warrant.

Take a break from reading people's blogs and do something.

Science fiction

From "24," season 4:

[A certain terrorist, on video tape]: People of America, you wake up today to a different world. One of your own nuclear weapons has been used against you. It’ll be days and weeks before you can measure the damage we’ve caused, but as you count your dead, remember why this has happened to you.

Buchanan [head of Counter Terrorist Unit, L.A. Division Office]: “Wake up today to a different world.”

Michelle [director of CTU Los Angeles]: Do we take that literally?

***

Okay, season 4 was the worst season yet. Not only was it ridiculously contrived, but the plot holes were so numerous and vast that I kept falling through them. Luckily, the formulaic and repetitive dialogue broke my fall every time. I think they use robots to write the dialogue. Maybe the robots are from outer space; that would help explain the literal "new world" thing.

Season 4 had some quality television moments, but very few, and nothing compared to those in the first season and a half of the series.


Vice President Logan looks like the love child of Richard Nixon and Kevin Spacey.

Paterno familias

Pardon the holiday hiatus. So many people in Dallas misused the word "literally" last week. Sometimes multiple times in a day. But I couldn't keep track. It was a busy week.

In honor of this week's Orange Bowl, and in honor of certain family members, enjoy this article: "'He literally has carried this football team.'"

One by one, or all at the same time?

Fight on, State.