illiterally

This one's long.

2007-12-14T13:11:00.000-08:00

"That's what she said:" sometimes it's another way of asking, "Literally?"

Think about it - you could respond either way to any of the following:

"You almost poked me in the eye with that thing!"

"You really think you can go all day long?"

"He's got a really big head." (Sorry.)

"Go ahead, put it wherever you want."

That's-what-she-said montage from The Office:
(the best is the deposition episode wherein Jan's attorney takes Michael's that's-what-she-said joke literally)

A few choice lines from Star Wars:

And don't forget International "That's What She Said" Day next February 15.

NSFW

2007-12-11T14:48:00.000-08:00

In some advice to a novice BDSM domme, Dan Savage tells her to put herself out there in the adult kink world, and she'll easily find someone: “You will literally enjoy beating the guys off with a stick that are gonna come on their hands and knees begging you to be their . . . mistress.”

I count three possible meanings in that sentence, one of them definitely literal.

Podcast here - scroll down for episode 58. It's toward the end of the show (some questionable advice is dispensed earlier in the podcast).

What?! I'm studying!

Is Poindexter a pollster now?

2007-12-03T18:02:00.000-08:00

"Now you can literally bet on climate change"

Relatedly, the Dallas Morning News and others didn't mean it literally this morning when they said a bunch of big energy-sucking corporations were going to cut greenhouse gas emissions by 90%.

Said corporations will instead "ensure" that they "strive" to "create incentives" to "lessen" their climate "impact" by "proactively" "seeking" "effective" "green" "solutions."

Never trust a man with two first names

2007-12-02T17:09:00.000-08:00

From the SF Chronicle:

"Literally Pimping for (Ron) Paul"

The owner of a Nevada establishment that offers the services of sex workers has endorsed Ron Paul's candidacy.

"To those who enter into Hof's establishment and declare that 'I'm pimping for Paul,' Hof will bequeath the services of two bunnies for the price of one. Or double whatever they choose to partake of there. Some of you know the drill."

The lucky journalist assigned to this story asked the proprietor "what's stopping anybody from just coming in and saying that they're Paul Pimps just to double their pleasure?"

The proprietor replied, "Oh, I'm sure that some peoeple [sic] will do that. That's OK, it will all work out in the end."

Is he still being literal?

Pink Ladies

2007-11-29T16:53:00.000-08:00

It's finals season, and I'm running low on procrastination tools. So I'm back.

First up:

"Pink-Clad Indian Women Fight (Literally) For Justice"

Someone dressed in pink is getting results.

You might say this leaves egg on the face of Code Pink, literally.

2006-05-20T12:17:00.000-07:00

Check out The Colbert Report's recent piece on Libya. "Throw Mexico in there, and you can literally go from the Halls of Montezuma to the shores of Tripoli."

Can't escape it.

2006-05-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

I flew all the way to Europe to get away from the societal scourge that is "literally-abuse." It didn't work. Tonight on international CNN, they had some special about some high-ranking guy at Nissan. I wasn't paying attention. Someone said, "He can literally walk in the room because he knows the cars so well." The meaning I gleaned from context was that he can just walk into any showroom and sell/talk about the cars without any preparation.

Over the course of the summer, depending on the rate at which I learn some French, we'll examine some of the ways Francophones use "literalment." Too early for that yet, though.

Are you ready?

2006-05-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

The government is still not communicating with us literally. Or is it?

Verbicide

2006-05-03T12:25:00.001-07:00

This article is way more interesting than my tort law casebook: "Verbicide: The Perilously Leaning Tower of Babble."*

It's from 1983, but speaks to something Stephen Colbert has expanded upon and dubbed "truthiness," which is the quality of preferring concepts or facts one wishes to be true, rather than concepts or facts known to be true.

"I suspect that we in this country are participating in a disturbed mental state, wherein our identity as Americans is undergoing massive overhaul. We are reaching the deadend of one definition of an American and are groping our way into another one. Nothing should be left to the imagination. That takes too long. Reality must be handed over immediately. No gratification is marketable unless it's guaranteed to be as quick as instant coffee. Hence, all those literally sentences. They serve our need to appear observant and objective. Above all, they serve our need to appear real.

"The abusers of literally are not describing an event nearly so much as they are asserting their sincerity."

*Richard Pindell, The English Journal, Vol. 72, No. 6 (Oct., 1983), pp. 48-52. Full text available on JStor (subscription only, I think).

The grammar police, literally

2006-05-02T11:48:00.000-07:00

This is at once entertaining, gratifying and scary. Not in that order.

From the AP: "Language detectives literally read between the lines."

Given technological changes in how people communicate, including criminals, cops are starting to rely on language experts instead of handwriting analysis. The idea is interesting, but how heavily weighted should such evidence be? You could easily frame someone by writing like them, for one thing. The same problem exists in terms of handwriting experts -- haven't these cops seen Heathers?

The first sentence of the article captures the problem perfectly: "Because of a quirk in his grammar, a Pennsylvania wife-killer wound up with a 40-year sentence."

Most hilariously, a Pennsylvania cop said of their language expert: "He literally was able take the words right out of that guy's mouth." No one is above the law, pig. I hope the language expert treated him to a blanket party after reading that. And the person responsible for the headline should be fined and sentenced to community service. But not in a school.

2006-04-29T11:10:00.000-07:00

Hillary Clinton recently said of proposed immigration reform legislation:

"It is certainly not in keeping with my understanding of the Scriptures because this bill would literally criminalize the Good Samaritan and probably even Jesus himself."

Thanks a lot, Hillary. That helps.

Nationwide general strike's on Monday.

Slapschtick

2006-04-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

In an interview about new movie RV (opens today!), which looks like a horrid quasi-remake of the much better Long, Long Trailer, Robin Williams said:

"It was literally like, years ago I was reading a story to my daughter and she literally said, 'Don't do the voices, I just would like to hear the story.' I was like, 'I'm sorry, my little director.' 'Just keep it simple, let's stay to the story, let the story speak for itself. I don't need to have any additional stuff.'"

Watch this.

2006-04-26T12:50:00.000-07:00

This might be the most gratifying link I've posted here. Ever. From last night's Daily Show -- click on "Essay Contest." You'll be so glad you did.

2006-04-26T12:41:00.000-07:00

From this week's Entertainment Weekly: "...Wolfgang Petersen knows something about disaster movies. But his latest - a $175 million adaptation of Paul Gallico's 1969 novel The Poseidon Adventure - allowed the director to turn the familiar genre on its head. Literally."

Hang the blessed DJ

2006-04-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

There's yet another cold going around. And we had a few days of sun, but today it's back to gray skies and water falling from the air above us. But I did not wear rainboots today. It's a fine line between optimism and stupidity.

In between bouts of slapping the snooze button this morning I heard a KALX DJ mention that he's "under the weather." Then he said something like, "Well, literally, we're all under the weather if you think about it."

I'm pretty sure this really happened, but it could have been just a hypnagogic fantasy. Either way.

Uh oh

2006-04-22T21:03:00.000-07:00

Taiwan moves toward China - literally.

In other news, I am literally moving toward finals, then will literally hurl myself toward Switzerland. Posting may be spotty for a bit. Try to console yourselves somehow.

2006-04-17T18:44:00.000-07:00

According to CNN, some consulting firm has decided that in terms of quality of life, Geneva and Zurich are the two best cities in the world.

"In fact, if you go underground -- literally -- one of the world's biggest and most controversial science experiments is taking place beneath Geneva's streets. It is the work of CERN, a physics research center made famous by The Da Vinci Code author Dan Brown in his earlier book, Angels and Demons... It is a place where anti-matter is created, or at least it will be in 2007 when its giant particle accelerator is completed."

I'll be in Geneva this summer; come visit me. Patricia will be in Rome, where I will visit her, and where she plans to experience the Angels and Demons tour.

2006-04-12T16:37:00.000-07:00

Um, check this out, if you dare. "Naughty Knot Lingerie" from "American Inventor."

"I invented it by accident. It literally just fell together in a matter of days."

Also enjoy her mention of "Valentime's Day."

2006-04-12T16:03:00.000-07:00

First, this:

Taking A Bite Out Of Crime, Literally

And, more on the Portuguese language: Portuguese idioms translated literally. Here are some favorites:

A mulher e a sardinha querem-se da mais pequenina.
Women and sardines, you want them to be small.

Macacos me mordam!
Monkeys bite me!
(Don't throw stones, you glass-house-liver -- you know you've said "I'll be a monkey's uncle" at least once.)

Quem tem cu tem medo.
Anyone who has an asshole has fear.

P.S. It's still raining.

Cognizant of cognates

2006-04-08T19:53:00.000-07:00

It's not only happening in English. Some Brazilians are mad, too.

2006-04-04T20:34:00.000-07:00

Some favorites from Brainy Quote:

"I literally moved from Kansas to Los Angeles to do Scientology." - Kirstie Alley

"The first time I kissed Brad my knees went weak - I literally lost my breath!" - Jennifer Aniston

"No one has ever written, painted, sculpted, modeled, built, or invented except literally to get out of hell." - Antonin Artaud

"With union membership falling to historic lows and the unions' political clout on the wane, even while unions pour, literally, hundreds of millions of dollars into politics, the coup de grace for the AFL-CIO may come at the convention itself." - Linda Chavez

"Transformation literally means going beyond your form." - Wayne Dyer

"When the Shah found himself in trouble, we quite literally stabbed him in the back." - Alexander Haig

"People take songs so literally."- Richard Marx

"I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally." - Calvin Trillin

"Classic nineteenth century European imperialists believed they were literally on a mission. I don't believe that the imperialists these days have that same sense of public service. They are simply pirates." - John Pilger

2006-04-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

First Alito, then Bush, now Condi Rice. It's really creeping me out how easily the powers that be evade responsibility by saying "I didn't mean it literally."

"The important thing is to get the big strategic decisions right." Abu Ghraib Schmabu Ghraib.

2006-03-30T14:50:00.000-08:00

David Cross on the "Colbert Report" as liberal radio host/food co-op stock boy Russ Lieber: he urges all of us to stop supporting the big, corporate kohlrabi farms because "when you eat that, you are literally eating a stew of lies."

Get the video here.

2006-03-30T12:36:00.000-08:00

This week the Boston Globe reported that Alexander Pope, Henry David Thoreau, Louisa May Alcott, Charles Dickens and Vladimir Nabokov all misused the word "literally." Note that they are all also dead. That's what you get.

Changing the subject, I used to think about what band, if I could only choose one, I would choose to play the soundtrack to a movie of my life. (I live with a narcissist, and it's contagious, just like the cold I caught this week.) I ultimately decided on the Pet Shop Boys. Turns out there's a 17-year-old Pet Shop Boys fanzine called Literally.

Another future John Waters star

2006-03-25T12:57:00.000-08:00

Today's broadcast of This American Life was about mind games. "Act" II or III or something was about Elizabeth Smart, a Salt Lake Cityan abducted a few years ago. Her captor turned out to be a local crazy homeless man who thought he was a prophet, already had a wife but apparently wanted another [14 year old] one. With the two veiled women in tow, he traipsed around the very neighborhood from which he abducted Elizabeth. Her abduction was widely reported in the area, of course, and her photo was up everywhere. They walked right by people who knew her. He went with her into a convenience store once asking for something, with her photo hanging right there on the wall.

This American Life's coverage is really worth listening to (search for episode 286). One interviewee spoke to Elizabeth at a party that her abductor kind of crashed. She asked her where she knew her from, saying she looked so familiar. The abductor soon came up and said, "You don't know her."

The interviewee said, "He literally put a spell over Salt Lake City." But really, as the piece points out, the spell was already cast. The community's own expectations -- that she was abducted by an intelligent, calculating monster of a man and taken far away, blinded them. They just went on ignoring the loser, the crazy religious fanatic, perhaps not giving him credit for being able to pull off something like this. That, together with a piece of white cloth obscuring all but her eyes, kept people who'd known her since she was a child from seeing what was literally (almost) right under their noses.

2006-03-23T17:22:00.000-08:00

Jerry Brown spoke at Boalt the other day. He's Oakland's mayor, California's former governor, former California attorney general and a former presidential candidate. He was only like 36 or something when he became governor, and he noted the other day that he was pretty inexperienced at the time. His philosophy was you don't need experience to be a good governor; you can rely on creativity and "brilliance or whatever." Now, all these years later, his attorney general campaign slogan is "There's no substitute for experience."

The first time around, he'd see someone he thought was smart and hire him or her. Once he was out to dinner and saw a guy from SEIU making a stink and being obnoxious at the restaurant. He thought, "That's the kind of guy I want," and made him secretary of labor. He said to us, "I would literally see someone smart go by and say, 'I'll hire him.'" This time around, though, he'll have a process.

As to the same-sex marriage issue, he says he's all for equal marriage rights but wouldn't do anything differently than Lockyer is doing. Huhhh?? There's a viable argument here: his duty as AG is to represent the people of California, who voted for Prop 22 (which he voted against) and to uphold the state's laws. Okay, but isn't he also supposed to uphold the state constitution? In fact, his campaign web page says "I will defend our constitution and the laws of our state." What happens when the two conflict? I note that he put constitution first on his web page, but not necessarily in practice.

2006-03-23T17:17:00.000-08:00

2 items from celebrity culture this week.

"South Park roasts Chef, literally." Get most of the episode here (NSFW ads).

Also, Portia de Rossi says of her time with an eating disorder, "I wanted literally to disappear."

2006-03-21T17:42:00.000-08:00

OMG, I just realized the "RICO" link in my previous post says this at the top of the page: "Literally anyone can find themselves in the crosshairs of a RICO claim."

Anyone, it's true. Except maybe for fetuses.

Lawyers

2006-03-21T14:45:00.000-08:00

A speaker at school today said that the problem in Darfur is getting worse, that it is becoming "literally a chaotic, pell mell" situation.

From the French "pêle-mêle," which is from the Old French "pesle mesle," "mesle" probably being the imperative of "mesler," to mix. The same root as the word "meddle." Which is what we should be doing.

A few minutes later: In response to a student's question about the reasons people decide to stay in Darfur instead of fleeing to Chad, the speaker said we can't speculate as to why people aren't fleeing to Chad. It's arrogant of us to ask this question (I think not -- the answers are undoubtably worth knowing) because "we're literally sitting in the lap of luxury" here in America.

A guest lecturer taught my criminal law class today. We were talking about RICO and terrorism. At one point the lecturer, a Florida criminal defense attorney, said "you get used to literally getting your head bashed in by the judge." Scary!

2006-03-07T11:37:00.000-08:00

Am catching up on blogs today, including mine. I know you missed me.

So the UN Convention against Torture and Other Cruel, Inhuman or Degrading Treatment or Punishment defines torture as

"any act by which severe pain or suffering, whether physical or mental, is intentionally inflicted on a person for such purposes as obtaining from him or a third person information or a confession, punishing him for an act he or a third person has committed or is suspected of having committed, or intimidating or coercing him or a third person, or for any reason based on discrimination of any kind, when such pain or suffering is inflicted by or at the instigation of or with the consent or acquiescence of a public official or other person acting in an official capacity."
As my international human rights law professor explained, if a public official is "literally a sadist," acting purely from sadistic motives in torturing detainees/prisoners, the torture does not violate the UN Convention against Torture.

My professor's office is across the hall -- literally 5 feet from -- John Yoo's office. When I went by the other day, they both had their doors open.

2006-02-17T18:09:00.000-08:00

Devil's Dictionary defines "literally" thus:

The sound a human rectum makes when trying to pronounce the word "figuratively."

2006-02-14T17:26:00.000-08:00

We're not alone.

A multitude of sins

2006-02-07T12:13:00.000-08:00

It's official. "Literally" is the new political back-tracking mechanism. It worked for Alito, why not for Bush? Makes you question his intended meaning of the words "citizens" and "Social Security" and "freedom" and "weapons of mass destruction."

From Knight-Ridder: "One day after President Bush vowed to reduce America's dependence on Middle East oil by cutting imports from there 75 percent by 2025, his energy secretary and national economic adviser said Wednesday that the president didn't mean it literally.

"What the president meant, they said in a conference call with reporters, was that alternative fuels could displace an amount of oil imports equivalent to most of what America is expected to import from the Middle East in 2025."

What Bush said in the address: "Breakthroughs on this and other new technologies will help us reach another great goal: to replace more than 75 percent of our oil imports from the Middle East by 2025."

Where is the wisdom we have lost in knowledge? / Where is the knowledge we have lost in information?

2006-02-06T20:52:00.000-08:00

This morning in class a beloved and oft impassioned classmate commented, "But what if the defendants LITERALLY don't know...?" (The context will only bore you.)

Apparently it's possible figuratively not to know something. This afternoon another friend told me she heard someone say today that they literally didn't know something.

Is it the difference between intuition and empirical knowledge, or between truth and belief? Is it a question of knowledge relativity? Who knows?

Stating the obvious

2006-02-02T19:30:00.000-08:00

This evening, a random law student, commenting on a discussion she had with two other people, said, "I was literally like, if I had to choose who was the bigger dork in that conversation, I wouldn't have been able to."

She didn't need to be emphatic about this. One could say this about almost any overheard conversation between law students. Some recent snippets from my personal sonic environment:

"Well, [chuckle] I'm going to adopt the Holmesian position and argue that..."

"They're asymmetrical power systems."

"Let's go get fucked up in the Mission District next weekend."

"But [dismissive chuckling] my civ pro professor was a critical race theorist, so, you know."

More from Room 105

2006-02-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

Back in my research class. Tuesday's guest speaker is here again today. He just said, "...you might need to go literally into the Library [of Congress], into the archives, to research..." As opposed to just searching the limited archives here.

Also, wanna subvert the Google search paradigm's power over your life? Viva Vivisimo's clusters.

So many syllables, so little time. Literally.

2006-02-02T13:33:00.000-08:00

Walking down the street the other day, a guy passed me quickly on the sidewalk. He said into his cell phone, "I literally only have ten seconds to talk to you..."

Six seconds and counting.

Literally posting in real time

2006-01-31T15:50:00.000-08:00

I'm in my legal research class, and our guest lecturer today is discussing electronic research tools. He just said, in commenting on how the old AltaVista search engine lost a lot of great features when AltaVista merged with Yahoo!, "Literally there were functions you could no longer use."

We're also talking/reading about blogs as research tools. Check out Findory, which, in addition to creating a personalized newspaper for you (including blogs, if you prefer), generates blog and news source "neighborhoods:" here's the Boing Boing blog neighborhood.

How to literally split an infinitive

2006-01-31T11:32:00.000-08:00

I knew the day would come when the two language practices that irk me most would converge. But I thought it would be in something by bell hooks, not in the SF Chronicle:

"Giants hope to literally get it together"

Blowing the curve

2006-01-31T11:20:00.000-08:00

A couple moments from the classroom:

In Torts the other day, we were given a hypothetical: "Jose Canseco has extraordinarily quick reflexes. He is driving down the highway in his candy red Jaguar when he sees a hitchhiker lying unconscious from heatstroke on the road. While an average person probably could not stop in time to avoid hitting the hitchhiker, Canseco's short reaction time makes it likely that he could. Unfortunately, however, Canseco does not brake soon enough and hits the hitchhiker, Herbie Homeless. Homeless sues Canseco for his injuries, arguing that the jury should be able to consider Canseco's unusually fast reflexes in deciding whether he was negligent."

In his response to a follow-up question regarding different treatment for drivers with impairments (such as epilepsy), a student said, "There are literally rules at the DMV that you have to be under a doctor's care and check in every so often." I'm paraphrasing that last part.

Today in International Human Rights, during a debate about whether the US should ratify the ICESCR, a student said, "You literally can't create a society that recognizes the right to work and [other economic rights] without imposing some kind of structure." Paraphrasing again.

Just an average day

2006-01-19T17:30:00.000-08:00

Walking through the halls of academia this morning at about 11:15 a.m., having already heard two people unecessarily say "literally," I realized there are so many moments that don't make it to the blog. They're so often unentertaining and less than blog-worthy, I thought. But the numerosity alone is becoming more and more amusing to me. Here are a few of today's eight [mis]usages (so far):

"It will literally take me all night to get it done." (Overheard in the hallway between classes, probably a reference to a homework assignment.)

"I literally ... set down my laptop." (Overheard just before class began. Don't know the context, but don't really need to.)

And 2 of the 4 times my beloved friend Christina misused "literally" on the phone with me this evening:

"I was literally out of my body watching myself." Yeah?

"She literally walked in the other direction..." Impossible!

Christina has long known of my little pet peeve and finds it amusing. She said today that she had been thinking to herself, "Do I ever use that word incorrectly?" Ponder no more, Christina, thy mystery is solved. It happens to all of us. And thanks for the Joan of Arc magnet, it is literally on my fridge. No joke. Seriously. I don't think you understand -- it really is on the refrigerator.

Also, someone said "transliteral" in class today.

Literally flapping his gums

2006-01-18T11:24:00.000-08:00

First of all, Shimmy deserves a full-on post-embedded link today. What a special, special cat.

Secondly, I spoke to my father last night. He'd had gum surgery the day before. They grafted new gums onto the roof of his mouth to cover the exposed roots of some of his teeth. From what I gather, the dentist screwed up the suturing, and by the time my dad got home, he was bleeding profusely -- I mean really a lot. Eventually he went back in and got it fixed, with some excuses and half-apologies from the dentist thrown in as an unsatisfactory bonus. By the time I spoke to him yesterday, he sounded normal.

Those of you who have met my father will understand why, when I told Michael that my dad had been hemorrhaging from the mouth, I was compelled to qualify it by adding "literally."

The winter of our dis-content.

2006-01-17T21:35:00.000-08:00

From Winter v. DC Comics:

"When artistic expression takes the form of a literal depiction or imitation of a celebrity for commercial gain, directly trespassing on the right of publicity without adding significant expression beyond that trespass, the state law interest in protecting the fruits of artistic labor
outweighs the expressive interests of the imitative artist.”

"Although the fictional characters Johnny and Edgar Autumn are less-than-subtle evocations of Johnny and Edgar Winter, the books do not depict plaintiffs literally. Instead, plaintiffs are merely part of the raw materials from which the comic books were synthesized. To the extent the drawings of the Autumn brothers resemble plaintiffs at all, they are distorted for purposes of lampoon, parody, or caricature. And the Autumn brothers are but cartoon characters—half-human and halfworm— in a larger story, which is itself quite expressive."

Check out related images here.

Turkey and fish: not for the thin-skinned

2006-01-14T10:42:00.000-08:00

Parties with students and lots of booze are hotbeds for use of the word "literally." I heard it at least 5 times last night, but I only really recall one example.

A friend was describing how someone she knows with psoriasis went to a treatment spa in Turkey where fish eat the affected skin. She said, "You literally sit there in the tub," and the fish eat your psoriasis flakes.

This is really gross to me, though I guess it shouldn't be. It really gets to me, though. Anyway, here's some corroborating info. Enjoy.

Alito pesante

2006-01-10T13:50:00.000-08:00

As reported in today's SF Chronicle:

"Sen. Edward Kennedy, D-Mass., pressed the issue of presidential power, citing Alito's statement in his 1985 Justice Department job application that 'I believe very strongly in the supremacy of the elected branches of government,' which appeared to elevate the president and Congress above the courts.

"'That's a very inapt phrase,' Alito conceded. 'I certainly didn't mean that literally at the time and I wouldn't say so today. The branches of government are equal,' although the president and Congress are primarily responsible for making national policy, he said. "

***

Maybe he meant "branches" figuratively. Or maybe he meant "I believe very strongly" in the metaphorical sense.

"Supremacy" derives from the Latin "super," meaning "over." Or "supremus," the superlative of "superus," meaning "upper." Same root as that of "superior." I'm still looking for other, less literal, uses of "supremacy," but I'm not finding any. At. All.

When he says no one is "above" the law, is he speaking literally?

I'd like to take this opportunity to point out self righteously that if everyone were as persnickety about such things as I (and if Democrats had spines), Alito would not have gotten away with this ridiculous cop out. This is an example of the importance of insisting on precision in language, especially from those in power and who define the parameters of national and cultural rhetoric. Why did no one follow up by saying, "Judge Alito, what do you mean you did not mean it literally? To which phrase do you refer, and what was the non-literal sense in which you meant it? Did you inform your prospective employer at the time that you did not mean those words literally? Are there other things you are telling us today that you do not mean literally?"

Alito clearly drafted the statement on his job application to convey that he thought the elected branches were/should be more powerful than the courts. If he didn't really mean it, he lied to the Justice Department. He basically told the world today that he was either lying then or is lying now. He admitted he's a liar. But because as a society we don't care what words mean (among other things), he gets away with it.

I guess when Alito ruled that women should inform their husbands before obtaining abortions he meant "inform" in the figurative sense of the word.

For a further example of Alito's trouble with literal meaning, check out his dissent in Doe v. Groody, in which he condoned the strip search of a 10 year old girl without an authorizing warrant.

Take a break from reading people's blogs and do something.

Science fiction

2006-01-06T21:57:00.000-08:00

From "24," season 4:

[A certain terrorist, on video tape]: People of America, you wake up today to a different world. One of your own nuclear weapons has been used against you. It’ll be days and weeks before you can measure the damage we’ve caused, but as you count your dead, remember why this has happened to you.

Buchanan [head of Counter Terrorist Unit, L.A. Division Office]: “Wake up today to a different world.”

Michelle [director of CTU Los Angeles]: Do we take that literally?

***

Okay, season 4 was the worst season yet. Not only was it ridiculously contrived, but the plot holes were so numerous and vast that I kept falling through them. Luckily, the formulaic and repetitive dialogue broke my fall every time. I think they use robots to write the dialogue. Maybe the robots are from outer space; that would help explain the literal "new world" thing.

Season 4 had some quality television moments, but very few, and nothing compared to those in the first season and a half of the series.

Vice President Logan looks like the love child of Richard Nixon and Kevin Spacey.

Paterno familias

2006-01-01T20:33:00.000-08:00

Pardon the holiday hiatus. So many people in Dallas misused the word "literally" last week. Sometimes multiple times in a day. But I couldn't keep track. It was a busy week.

In honor of this week's Orange Bowl, and in honor of certain family members, enjoy this article: "'He literally has carried this football team.'"

One by one, or all at the same time?

Fight on, State.

Let's put the cup back in the World Cup.

2005-12-20T15:42:00.000-08:00

You're gonna like this one. If you're under 18, stop reading, and don't click any links.

After my last final today, a classmate showed a few of us this photo from the World Cup official site. Look closely. One classmate said, "That's ri-cock-ulous." (Get it?) Another said, "Literally."

Eww.

Got any Adderal?

2005-12-19T12:41:00.000-08:00

Day before yesterday: 3.

1) In a review of "Winged Migration," the reviewer noted that the documentary gives us "quite literally, a bird's-eye view..." Gross. I don't want that. And, how can something be quite literal? If it's literal, it's literal, right?

2) Michael told me about how he was at a restaurant the other day, and a waitress across the room was talking loudly to a customer about the most recent season of "The Shield." She started telling the customer about what happened with Glenn Close's character at the end of the season. Michael told me that he "literally put [his] finger in [his] ear" and started humming to block out the sound. It worked.

3) Matt Damon in "Syriana:" "It's literally 125 degrees here."

Two down, one to go

2005-12-16T16:10:00.000-08:00

Four instances of "literally" today. First, during the open-book part of my property final, I perused a certain section of my case book and found a funny usage. But I can't remember it now, and I left the book at school. I don't plan on ever opening it again.

After the final, a friend told me she was in a rush at the end of it and was "literally, like, writing down sentences" there towards the end. As opposed to fragments, I guess.

Then another friend said it while we were having a post-exam drink. I was under the influence, plus I'm sleep-deprived and brain-fried, so I don't remember what he said.

Then someone at the back of my bus on the way home said it. But I couldn't hear the whole sentence.

A pretty incomplete account. But all my focus, memory and concentration were used up between 8:30 a.m. and 12:05 p.m.

Not as bad as "penultimate."

2005-12-15T19:54:00.000-08:00

In 12.5 hours my property law final will begin. Studying property law literally turns my stomach.

Finally I found David Cross's bit online. But it's censored for some reason by the guy who included it at the end of his mispronunciation-laden podcast. To spite the censorer, I'll say it: "Fuck" (possibly from the German "ficken:" to “strike, beat, knock or bang”).

When I find an uncensored version, I'll post it.

Finals

2005-12-13T15:26:00.000-08:00

People are saying "literally" around me all the time. I'm saying it, too. I don't care anymore. Finals have begun.

A few usages I've overheard/read:

"She's literally acting like a psychopath."

"I'm waiting for a UPS delivery right now. I've been waiting figuratively since late Tuesday for it. I literally waited all afternoon Wednesday for it, and literally all afternoon (and now literally early evening) for it. Once it comes -- if, literally, it ever does -- I'm going to the gym."

"Not literally shooting singles." Ha ha ha.

Be more funny

2005-12-06T20:21:00.000-08:00

In The Comedians of Comedy, Patton Oswalt uses "literally" literally four times. That's right. Four times in one movie. And it wasn't funny, like when David Cross does it.

Truth and Lies

2005-12-03T16:17:00.000-08:00

I went to an art opening last night, and someone who works at the gallery said to someone else, "I was literally like..." then slowly and sharply moved his hand in front of his face three times.

Who Would Jesus Do?

2005-12-02T15:03:00.000-08:00

A fake Christian got punk'd by amateurs. The post contains presumably correct usage of your favorite word.

Apparently this guy also started a fight w/ 311 by walking up to them and saying, "311, I'm ready to fight." I'll let you search out that story on your own.

Back to work.

"Firmly in place at (literally) last, Robinson in line for title"

2005-11-28T21:02:00.000-08:00

Just had to post this article about Penn State. Might not get good Xmas gifts if I didn't.

"The new, literal Babylon"

2005-11-27T12:37:00.000-08:00

Seriously, click here.

Click here for some video

2005-11-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

Don't think that no one has used or misused "literally" since November 10. I've just been busy and lazy all at the same time.

The other day I attended a talk by Ray Ybarra of the ACLU about the Minuteman group and other border vigilantes. He's coordinating legal observers who follow these guys around to deter and document human rights abuses, and he's working on a class action law suit against a proto-Minuteman offender. He rocks and he needs help. I mention him here because he twice used "literally" in his presentation.

Describing why he got into this project, he mentioned that he grew up in Douglas, AZ, so these things were happening "literally in [his] back yard."

When he got started on this project, he filed FOIA and other disclosure requests, and noted that the stuff these vigilantes had done to border-crossers was "literally appalling."

The word "appalling" comes from the Old French "palir," which means "to grow pale." "Palir" came from the Latin word "pallescene" ("to be pale"). The word became "apalir" in Middle French. The word entered the Middle English vocabulary, but the meaning became "to grow pale because one is overcome with consternation, shock, or dismay," and it was spelled "appal." Apparently the vigilantes are accomplishing their goal by shocking people into becoming white.

The other man in my life

2005-11-10T14:13:00.000-08:00

I added yet another link to the right. This one deserves to be linked twice on my little blog spot.

From a 10/1/05 post: "I am literally pressed up against the glass window." I can't vouch for whether Charles was in fact literally pressed up against the glass window, but I've visited Schwab with Charles before, and there's definitely some window-touching that goes on.

2005-11-10T13:30:00.000-08:00

Talked to my mother today, and got the usual health update on all the aging relatives. My great aunt, let's call her "Pat," has various ailments and believes she is dying. She isn't really. She argues with her doctors and refuses to take her medicine. She has long been the butt of many family jokes based on her various idiosyncrasies. Recently she told my uncle/her nephew that she was looking forward to seeing his mother (her sister, my grandmother) in heaven. He told her that knowing his mother, she'd already told Jesus about Aunt Pat and that consequently he probably wouldn't be letting her into heaven.

So Aunt Pat's husband, "Carl," is having surgery next week to have a pacemaker put in. My mom told me she'd let me know how that went, then decided to make fun of her aunt, saying she'd let me know "whether Aunt Pat makes it through Uncle Carl's surgery -- literally."

Isn't the death of loved ones funny?

Hump day

2005-11-09T14:34:00.000-08:00

I am literally out of class for the day. I added two links: "Misused" Quotation Marks and Apostrophe Abuse.

Supposed to be writing a paper

2005-11-06T19:26:00.000-08:00

A good friend, who apparently wishes to remain anonymous, directed me to this: NPR commentary on the subject.

For real.

Can't sleep

2005-11-03T01:25:00.000-08:00

Check out this anti-war T-shirt:

Call me hard to please, but it really needs a comma.

2005-10-28T16:57:00.000-07:00

From my pal Dave Rice: "This morning's Today Show segment on last-minute Halloween costumes was interrupted by a news update in which Brian Williams announced that Dick Cheney's Chief of Staff Lewis 'Scooter' Libby had been indicted on several counts (obstruction of justice, making false statements, perjury), and that '...the pieces of paper are literally being handed out by court officers as we speak...'"

Now that's some precise, insider reporting.

Maybe someday Vanita will grace us with a post.

2005-10-27T20:28:00.000-07:00

From John Fund's column on Monday: "Given Mr. Bush's idée fixe that the nominee had to be a woman, it's possible the White House allowed itself to be pushed into a corner in which Ms. Miers was literally the only female left."

Apparently there are only 6 women in the nation potentially qualified for O'Connor's seat.

More humorously, SMU's president responds to slams against the law school for its non-ivy league ranking:

"I literally thought when it was announced there would be a huge fuss that she was not an Ivy League graduate."

Apparently the act of thinking is so rare where Harriet Miers went to school that one must insert a qualifier in the phrase "I thought," lest the hearer think it's an exaggeration.

Personally, absent all the other issues, I think it would be nice to have more Supreme Court justices who aren't in the ivy league clique.

I was going to go as Miers for Halloween, but I ran out of eyeliner.

Yoo so fine

2005-10-25T18:13:00.000-07:00

Today at Boalt some non-students walked into Professor John Yoo's class dressed as Abu Ghraib prisoners. They were in orange jumpsuits, and one was hooded with a rope/leash around his neck. According to Gavin, one of the protestors, they asked Yoo to hold the leash. Yoo left the room. The students in the class were pissed that it was interrupted, but the class was almost over anyway. Then the demonstrators hung out in our lobby, passing out flyers, and one student got into a shouting match with the hooded guy. Many cops came and cited some of the demonstrators, and took pictures and video of all of them. A few students got into debates with them and each other. I skipped all but 10 minutes of my class that hour.

Later in the afternoon I overheard a tiny bit of a conversation about it outside the hallway. One person excitedly told the other: "They literally were all in his face!"

Then, in a comment to Armen's post (see above) by Joe Shmo: "...the executive branch office with the greatest legal authority to do so declared that Yoo's legal analysis was wrong. This means Yoo was literally advising his client that it was legal to engage in behavior which was in fact illegal."

Waiting for Vanita

2005-10-22T09:37:00.000-07:00

It was originally Vanita's idea to archive uses of the word, after I mentioned to her how much it had been bothering me to hear the word abused all the time. She sent me, via snail mail, a NYT clipping with a note that said in part: "I can't help it: now I want to start an archive."

Here's the full article she sent. I still don't know if I think this is proper usage or not. But I think maybe so: "Even during the years Latin American governments were indifferent to the subject, human rights groups kept plugging away, building cases against offenders who they were sure had literally gotten away with murder."

Depends on how literal you wanna be. In some ways it sounds like the dish running away with the spoon.

Vanita was always supposed to co-host this little blog, but right now we're having technical difficulties. Stay tuned.

Oh, and Vanita used to report for the San Antonio Express-News. Her articles were typo- and error-free.

Still procrastinating

2005-10-21T08:53:00.000-07:00

A few years back, Robert Fulford wrote a column about the "literally" problem. Among his examples of misuse is: "I literally died laughing." My grandmother had a friend who literally died laughing. She got so tickled at dinner with friends one night she had a heart attack.

Foregone conclusions

2005-10-19T12:19:00.000-07:00

Ah, the San Antonio Express-News. Pioneering print journalism without copy editing. When I lived there, among other typos, the Express-News misspelled "El Salvador" in a headline. I forget how they spelled it. It was a matter of (not very much) time that the paper would find its way into my little old blog. Aren't all statue unveilings literal unveilings?

On the other hand, here's a nice usage from up north.

Retired Husband Syndrome symptoms include stomach ulcers, slurred speech, rashes, and throat polyps.

Household uses

2005-10-18T09:32:00.000-07:00

Yesterday the man in my life said he needed the car "literally all day" on Thursday.

He was literally in the belly of the beast

2005-10-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

Here's a favorite memory regarding the word "literally". This was one of those times when you wish the person were misusing the word. I grew up Methodist, but my congregation was a really conservative one. The Methodist church would sometimes send us pastors that were a little more liberal than folks would have liked. When I was about 16, they sent us a new associate pastor/youth minister. Soon after she arrived, parents were concerned that she might be too liberal for their teenage kids. There was a big meeting with her -- couched as welcome and fellowship. A chief concern was whether she would be teaching us that everything in the Bible was literally true. Of course, these Bible literalists pick and choose what's literal and what isn't. One father there told the pastor that he wanted her to present everything from the Bible as historically, literally true; he gave the example of Jonah and the whale. He said he wanted her to teach us that a man named Jonah was literally swallowed by a whale and lived through it to become a prophet/missionary.

The pastor handled the meeting with aplomb, like a progressive, subtle John Roberts. And over the next few years proceeded to present biblical meaning to us in ways our parents would not have appreciated. Her final Sunday at our church was "Youth Sunday," and as a group we went all out to report to the congregation that God might be a girl. She now runs a B&B in Arkansas, and I'm an atheist.

BBC headline: "Bush God comments 'not literal' "

2005-10-12T14:37:00.000-07:00

"A Palestinian official who said the US president had claimed God told him to invade Iraq and Afghanistan says he did not take George Bush's words literally."

What George Bush said: "God would tell me, George, go and fight those terrorists in Afghanistan. And I did, and then God would tell me, George, go and end the tyranny in Iraq... And I did. And now, again, I feel God's words coming to me, Go get the Palestinians their state and get the Israelis their security, and get peace in the Middle East. And by God I'm gonna do it."

Life has no real meaning.

2005-10-11T16:28:00.000-07:00

A little white Corvette, linguistics rock star Stanley Fish's vehicle of choice.

Stanley Fish once wrote: "[A]ny reading that is plain and obvious in the light of some assumed purpose (and it is impossible not to assume one) is a literal reading, but no reading is the literal reading in the sense that it is available apart from any purpose whatsoever. A sentence is never not in a context. We are never not in a situation... A set of interpretive assumptions is always in force. A sentence that seems to need no interpretation is already the product of one... A sentence neither means anything at all, nor does it always mean the same thing." 4 Critical Inquiry 625 (Summer 1978).

That said, my contract law textbook,* riddled with typos to begin with, irked me last night. In contract law, courts often look to whether there was a "meeting of the minds" between contracting parties in determining whether both parties entered into a contract with the same understanding of its terms. In an effort at clarification on this point, my book says, "[D]ifficulties will arise if the requirement of a 'meeting of the minds' is taken literally." I'll say.

*Fuller, Lon. L. and Eisenberg, Melvin A. Basic Contract Law, Seventh Edition. St. Paul: West Group. 2001.

Barry Bonds

2005-10-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

Remember that dispute over who caught Barry Bonds' record homerun baseball a few years ago? An interesting California Superior Court decision resulted (linked above). See footnote 23 of this decision on page 7. This startled me in the Boalt Hall library the other day. It appears among an inordinate amount of lengthy, boring footnotes. Misuse of the word? I think so. I personally was unaware of this man's intentions on the date in question until I read this decision.

Inaugural post

2005-10-10T10:55:00.000-07:00

There are two major categories of misuse of the word "literally:" 1) Use of the word to modify a phrase that is clearly capable of being literally true. Examples: "I am literally tired right now." "I literally ate the whole hamburger." 2) Use of the word to modify a phrase that cannot possibly be literally true, often a cliche. Examples: "You are literally getting on my last nerve!" "I literally paid an arm and a leg for those shoes." Both categories reveal common understanding and usage of "literally" as a word of emphasis, not of clarification. Yes, language evolves. But it also devolves. Send us your favorite examples of uses and misuses. This is your safe space to be annoying and literally anal retentive about language.